There is no room left for me to breath. Before I am completely awake, I can indulge in being somebody else. No one expect anything from me just yet. There is nothing to remember, so there are no burdens to carry. My fears don’t exists. Living feels so simple.
REALLY? HELL NO!
So many people around me expect from me. I can’t measure the weight of burden. My features do exists. Living is the most complicated I fo. The dead are still alive. Morning are sobering, to say the least.
But the truth is, I am just doing exactly what everyone else is doing – having nothing in my heart but being appreciated for lying and living. I am not even brave, it’s just too monotonous. Waking up, grooming myself for the world, a toy that just needs a twist to run.
Of course, I’m comfortably okay with the basic skills which I possess. I just wonder when people will understand that it’s okay to be okay. Everything that was, still is. So, weather I like it or not I pull myself together and I do it all again.
So, it `was` Friendship day! Yes, I am writing this at 4 in the morning.
What do you do on the Friendship day? huh? Send message to your friend, tag them in meme, make collage photo and post it on social media, a day out with friends. Well what is so special about it? We all do that occasionally. Aren’t we?
I am not here to give an lecture on What’s Friend and What’s Friendship day. But how many of you know that the Friendship Day has been celebrated in several southern South American countries for many years. In Paraguay, where the first World Friendship Day – International Friendship Day was proposed in 1958. But the country where I live far away from the America and Paraguay but still F•R•I•E•N•D•S are F•R•I•E•N•D•S. You got the point.
What is a friend? The one we hangout with? The one we share seat in bus? The one we play sports? Okay. Those are our friends. So by that I have One hundred thousand friends. OMG! It feels like I am celebrity. But..?
A Friend is not someone from who you expect to be nice and civil every time you put sad/sick status on social media. Replying with “I’m Sorry” and “What happened mate?” is just a formality that you need to perform in order to keep up your relationship. What really needs to be done is… .Wait! Do I have to write this down too?
Relationship does not have to be repeated and there is no special day for friendship. This friendship belt and social media stuff is new. When I was child (still I am), we used to make friends by putting hands on each other’s shoulder.
Here’s the best line from F•R•I•E•N•D•S to my F•R•I•E•N•D•S
No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I’ll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I’m best with you, yeah!
Okay, so on her birthday, instead of calling, sending message on social media, posting on her timeline, I wrote an email. Here’s an exact copy of it.
Well hey there, from there I usually starts my all email. But this one is different.
Should I have to mention anything else? Oh yes I have to! Here it goes.
Our journey starts with the first semester college event “Event-o-fest”. Remember? Yep that one; when we build that capacitor-charger-sort-of-thing. Since then how much hangouts, tens of thousands messages, lots of fun, moments and what not?. Not to mention worst time in 3rd semester. 😦
Later on, after millions of unforgettable memory and hundreds of screenshots :D, I do realize that you are not just a friend or best friend you are more than that. You know, we all have that one companionship bond with someone in life, mine is with you. But recent events says a lot; (you know what I am talking about) but it’s gonna catch on.
However the “The truth about being the girl who is always okay?” In all honesty, it doesn’t feel good. And that hurts, I know. In the rawest, deepest way, because no one notice just how lost you are. But the way you are handling whatever life throws in your way is just fascinating. The kind that gets deep into your bones. I know.
You’re playing a part that no one played before with me in the first place. It feels like memorized lines, and knowing when to smile whenever someone looks at you as to ensure they don’t catch on. It feels like never being able to ask for help, because you are usually the person who fixes everything for me. It feels like having someone to talk, having someone around always when I need.
Let me be honest here, I didn’t shared much thing about my life (experience, feelings) to anyone in the universe that I shared with you nor asked anyone for help. But the way you did it without asking, believe it or not I am never gonna repay that. Ever.
But today is the day that everything changed 20 years ago. You came to the world! I wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. For through the wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.
Oh and by the way, remember those screenshots? Yep that one, you asked me to delete! I still have that. Oops! (Oh! I am gonna pay for it.)
Cheers to you!
Your nerdy friend
I am a liar who is stealing all the credits for smiling and living through all the small moments and calling it life.
But I know I am not brave, it’s just too monotonous. Waking up, grooming myself for the world, a toy that just needs a twist to run.
I live in a world that is so messed up. In justice, greed, hate, jealousy, on every street corner. In every heart. I live in a world where human worth is measured in bank balances and Facebook friends. Where the proud are exalted and the weak go unnoticed. Is it supposed to feel so pointless?
But the truth is, I am just doing exactly what everyone else is doing – having nothing in my heart but being appreciated for lying and living.
In peace, may you leave this shore,
In love, may you find the next,
Safe passage on your travels,
Until our final journey to the ground, May we meet again.
Sometimes I wonder if my life has all been an illusion, but if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that reality is only what you make it.
“For this job, we need people who can challenge set notions,” the interviewer said.
“Please read my name.” she replied.
“Tulsi Joshi Khan,” interviewer fumbled as he read her name.
Snippet by Jayathukral