I’m sorry I’m not very good at this “friendship” thing. Actually, I’ve never been. Honestly, I’m not very good at even having a conversation nowadays.
I don’t know what friendship is because I keep trying too hard, to be the funny one, or the responsible one, or the one they could talk to; whatever they expect of me, because of the time that they told me that this one thing, was why they liked me. “You’re good at things, you’re good with words, I can always count on you, you give amazing hugs.” (all lies) but this person inside of me, can’t understand who he wants to be, because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
And I see people around me, for whom it is just so easy, hi, hello, how have you been, a pat on the back, cool, I’ll see you soon, and I always turn away because I know that could never be me.
So then I go buy a cup of tea and stand there smiling trying to fit in, changing my personality like a chameleon hoping that out of those hundreds of people I pretend to be, you’d someday decide to choose me.
Because you see, (yes it’s f**king YOU!!) I don’t know what friendship is anymore, I don’t know what it means, or how it got so complicated.
So I guess that’s just how it’s supposed to be. Or maybe it really is, ‘just me’ who is wired differently. Is it? Can you ask yourself?
I don’t have a courage to talk to you nowadays. Not a single thing. That’s what you made me. Anyway, Here’s to every long lousy day I spent keep thinking about us.
In peace may you leave the shore.
In love may you find the next.
Save passage on your travels,
Until our final journey to the ground,
May we (NEVER) meet again.
Still working on it.