Dear you

Dear you,

I’m sorry I’m not very good at this “friendship” thing. Actually, I’ve never been. Honestly, I’m not very good at even having a conversation nowadays.

I don’t know what friendship is because I keep trying too hard, to be the funny one, or the responsible one, or the one they could talk to; whatever they expect of me, because of the time that they told me that this one thing, was why they liked me. “You’re good at things, you’re good with words, I can always count on you, you give amazing hugs.” (all lies) but this person inside of me, can’t understand who he wants to be, because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

And I see people around me, for whom it is just so easy, hi, hello, how have you been, a pat on the back, cool, I’ll see you soon, and I always turn away because I know that could never be me.

So then I go buy a cup of tea and stand there smiling trying to fit in, changing my personality like a chameleon hoping that out of those hundreds of people I pretend to be, you’d someday decide to choose me.

Because you see, (yes it’s f**king YOU!!) I don’t know what friendship is anymore, I don’t know what it means, or how it got so complicated.

So I guess that’s just how it’s supposed to be. Or maybe it really is, ‘just me’ who is wired differently. Is it? Can you ask yourself?

I don’t have a courage to talk to you nowadays. Not a single thing. That’s what you made me. Anyway, Here’s to every long lousy day I spent keep thinking about us.

In peace may you leave the shore.
In love may you find the next.
Save passage on your travels,
Until our final journey to the ground,
May we (NEVER) meet again.

My apologies,
Still working on it.

To Her Her

So as she asked and I made “pinky” promised earlier today here’s how much I know her.

From 2015’s AEM lecture to this very moment
From classmate to my well-wisher and supporter
From talking about people we pretend to be friend with to the people we know (you know)
From Sejal to (IvorySoda)
From daily nudges, pokes, fights to countless interesting conversation
From sharing to caring
From how you think to how you react
From your profession to passion
(In programming language) From front-end to back-end

However “The truth about being the girl who is always okay?” is not okay! In all honesty, it doesn’t feel good. And that hurts, I know. In the rawest, deepest way, because no one notice just how lost you are. But the way you are handling whatever life throws in your way is just fascinating. The kind that gets deep into your bones. I know. As you know some days are just bad days, that’s all. You have to experience sadness to know happiness.

So, the bottom line is I don’t remember a day without nudging her and I don’t have to post anywhere to tell anyone that how much I know her.

*but I did* 😀

January 2018 so far:

From Profession to Passion
From final year Project to real time Project
From declaring war to declaring var
From Insiders Arena to Windows Latest
From “E:/bau badhu” to sorry that was by mistake
From Loosing People to meeting new
From things I like to things I write
From Nightmare to Dream
From Confusion to Conclusion
Life goes

When you will understand that it’s okay to be okay…!

Why do we have to be good at everything and anything we do? Why does this pressure to excel even exist on us? What’s wrong with being average?

Consider the time and energy that could be saved if we didn’t run behind excellence. Optimum utilization is the word. Perhaps the guy who is ‘Jack of all trades, but master of none,’ has figured out life.

If you think about it, being average is really easy. It’s almost effortless and just imagine the endless possibilities in which you could have invested your resources including time, sleep, food, booze you name it and it’s yours. Procrastination wouldn’t have been a taboo. Life would have been easier than pronouncing ‘Easy peasy lemon squeezy’ isn’t it?

No! I don’t have 9-5 job. I work a LOT. I stay home most days. I love my keyboard. I’m highly sensitive. I spend my days immersing myself in the personal growth world. Maybe in some ways I’m (definitely) not normal – some of the ways that I go against the grain of the society. And you know what? It’s okay

So yeah, I’m comfortably okay with the basic skills which I possess. I wonder when people will understand that it’s okay to be okay.


There is no room left for me to breath. Before I am completely awake, I can indulge in being somebody else. No one expect anything from me just yet. There is nothing to remember, so there are no burdens to carry. My fears don’t exists. Living feels so simple.


So many people around me expect from me. I can’t measure the weight of burden. My features do exists. Living is the most complicated I fo. The dead are still alive. Morning are sobering, to say the least.

But the truth is, I am just doing exactly what everyone else is doing – having nothing in my heart but being appreciated for lying and living. I am not even brave, it’s just too monotonous. Waking up, grooming myself for the world, a toy that just needs a twist to run.

Of course, I’m comfortably okay with the basic skills which I possess. I just wonder when people will understand that it’s okay to be okay. Everything that was, still is. So, weather I like it or not I pull myself together and I do it all again.


So, it `was` Friendship day! Yes, I am writing this at 4 in the morning.

What do you do on the Friendship day? huh? Send message to your friend, tag them in meme, make collage photo and post it on social media, a day out with friends. Well what is so special about it? We all do that occasionally. Aren’t we?

I am not here to give an lecture on What’s Friend and What’s Friendship day. But how many of you know that the Friendship Day has been celebrated in several southern South American countries for many years. In Paraguay, where the first World Friendship Day – International Friendship Day was proposed in 1958. But the country where I live far away from the America and Paraguay but still F•R•I•E•N•D•S are F•R•I•E•N•D•S. You got the point.

What is a friend? The one we hangout with? The one we share seat in bus? The one we play sports? Okay. Those are our friends. So by that I have One hundred thousand friends. OMG! It feels like I am celebrity. But..?

A Friend is not someone from who you expect to be nice and civil every time you put sad/sick status on social media. Replying with “I’m Sorry” and “What happened mate?” is just a formality that you need to perform in order to keep up your relationship. What really needs to be done is… .Wait! Do I have to write this down too?

Relationship does not have to be repeated and there is no special day for friendship. This friendship belt and social media stuff is new.  When I was child (still I am), we used to make friends by putting hands on each other’s shoulder.

Here’s the best line from F•R•I•E•N•D•S to my F•R•I•E•N•D•S

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me
Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with
Someone I’ll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I’m best with you, yeah!